my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
