One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
