so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Even my vagina gasped.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
