My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
