My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
