You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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