We need to rekindle our bromance
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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