Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think people are normalizing furries
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
