we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
