Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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