his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
