I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
