i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
