You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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