She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
