Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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