did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
