I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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