I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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