the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
