Do you still have your period?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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