the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
