I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
