I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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