I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
