i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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