I accidentally had phone sex last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
