I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
