wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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