so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
