$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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