one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
