well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
