would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
