Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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