i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
