Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's official drugs can't kill me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
