I cannot find my penis.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
