Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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