Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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