I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
