you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
