She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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