I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
