ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
