id be glad to
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
