the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
