Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
