so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
