Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
