Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
