First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
