Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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