fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
