Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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