ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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