I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
